10 DEADLY SINS OF
NEGATIVE THINKING
The way to overcome negative thoughts and
destructive emotions is to develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger
and more powerful.” – Dalai Lama
Life could be so much better for many people,
if they would just spot their negative
thinking habits and replace them with positive ones. Negative thinking, in all its many-splendored
forms, has a way of creeping into
conversations and our thinking without our noticing them. The key to
success, in my humble opinion, is learning
to spot these thoughts and squash them like little bugs. Then replace them with positive ones. You’ll notice
a huge difference in everything you do.
Let’s take a look at 10 common ways that negative thinking emerges — get
good at spotting these patterns, and
practice replacing them with positive thinking patterns. It has made all
the difference in the world for me.
1. I will
be happy once I have _____ (or once I earn X).
Problem: If you think you can’t be
happy until you reach a certain point, or until you reach a certain income, or have a certain type
of house or car or computer setup, you’ll
never be happy. That elusive goal is always just out of reach. Once we
reach those goals,
we are not satisfied — we
want more.
Solution: Learn to be happy with
what you have, where you are, and who you are, right at this moment. Happiness doesn’t have to be some
state that we want to get to eventually —
it can be found right now. Learn to count your blessings, and see the positive
in your situation. This might sound simplistic, but it
works.
2. I wish
I were as ____ as (a celebrity, friend, co-worker).
Problem: We’ll never be as pretty,
as talented, as rich, as sculpted, as cool, as everyone else. There will always be someone better, if
you look hard enough. Therefore, if we
compare ourselves to others like this, we will always pale, and will
always fail, and will
always feel bad about
ourselves. This is no way to be happy.
Solution: Stop comparing yourself
to others, and look instead at yourself — what are your strengths, your accomplishments, your
successes, however small? What do you love
about yourself? Learn to love who you are, right now, not who you want to
become. There is good in each of us, love
in each of us, and a wonderful human spirit in every one of
us.
3. Seeing
others becoming successful makes me jealous and
resentful.
Problem: First, this assumes that
only a small number of people can be successful. In truth,
many, many people can be successful — in different ways.
Solution: Learn to admire the
success of others, and learn from it, and be happy for them, by empathizing with them and understanding what
it must be like to be them. And then turn
away from them, and look at yourself — you can be successful too, in whatever
you choose to do. And even more, you
already are successful. Look not at those above you in the social ladder, but those below you — there
are always millions of people worse off
than you, people who couldn’t even read this article or afford a
computer. In that light,
you are a huge
success.
4.
I am a miserable failure — I can’t seem to do anything
right.
Problem: Everyone is a failure, if
you look at it in certain ways. Everyone has failed, many times, at different things. I have
certainly failed so many times I cannot count them — and I continue to fail, daily. However,
looking at your failures as failures only makes
you feel bad about yourself. By thinking in this way, we will have a
negative self-image
and never move on from
here.
Solution: See your successes and
ignore your failures. Look back on your life, in the last month, or year, or 5 years. And try to remember
your successes. If you have trouble with
this, start documenting them — keep a success journal, either in a
notebook or online. Document your success
each day, or each week. When you look back at what you’ve accomplished, over a year, you will be amazed. It’s an incredibly
positive feeling.
5. I’m going to beat
so-and-so no matter what — I’m better than him. And there’s no way I’ll help him
succeed — he might beat me.
Problem: Competitiveness assumes
that there is a small amount of gold to be had, and I need to get it before he does. It makes us into
greedy, back-stabbing, hurtful people. We
try to claw our way over people to get to success, because of our
competitive feelings. For example, if a
blogger wants to have more subscribers than another blogger, he may never link to or mention that other blogger.
However, who is to say that my subscribers
can’t also be yours? People
can read and subscribe to more than one blog.
Solution: Learn to see success as
something that can be shared, and learn that if we help each other out, we can each have a better
chance to be successful. Two people working
towards a common goal are better than two people trying to beat each
other up to get to that goal. There is
more than enough success to go around. Learn to think in terms of abundance rather than scarcity.
6.
Dammit! Why do these bad things always happen to me?
Problem: Bad things happen to everybody. If we dwell
on them, they will frustrate us and bring
us down.
Solution: See bad things as a part
of the ebb and flow of life. Suffering is a part of the human condition — but it passes. All pain goes
away, eventually. Meanwhile, don’t let it
hold you back. Don’t dwell on bad things, but look forward towards
something good in your future. And learn
to take the bad things in stride, and learn from them. Bad things are actually opportunities to grow and learn and get stronger, in
disguise.
7. You
can’t do anything right! Why can’t you be like ____ ?
Problem: This can be said to your
child or your subordinate or your sibling. The
problem? Comparing two people, first of all, is always a fallacy. People
are different, with different ways of
doing things, different strengths and weaknesses, different human characteristics. If we were all the same, we’d
be robots. Second, saying negative things
like this to another person never helps the situation. It might make you
feel better, and more powerful, but in
truth, it hurts your relationship, it will actually make you feel negative, and it will certainly make the other
person feel negative and more likely to
continue negative behavior.
Everyone loses.
Solution: Take the mistakes or bad
behavior of others as an opportunity to teach. Show them how to do something. Second, praise them
for their positive behavior, and encourage
their success. Last, and most important, love them for who they are, and celebrate their differences.
8.
Your work sucks. It’s super lame. You are a moron and I hope you never reproduce.
Problem: I’ve actually
gotten this comment before. It feels wonderful. However, let’s look at it not from the perspective of the
person receiving this kind of comment but from
the perspective of the person giving it. How does saying something
negative like this help you? I guess it
might feel good to vent if you feel like your time has been wasted. But really, how much of your time has been wasted?
A few minutes? And whose fault is that?
The bloggers or yours? In truth, making negative comments just keeps you
in a negative mindset. It’s also not a good way to make friends.
Solution: Learn to offer
constructive solutions, first of all. Instead of telling someone their blog sucks, or that a post is lame, offer
some specific suggestions for improvement.
Help them get better. If you are going to take the time to make a
comment, make it worth your time. Second,
learn to interact with people in a more positive way — it makes others feel good and it makes you feel better about
yourself. And you can make some great
friends this way. That’s a
good thing.
9.
Insulting People Back
Problem: If someone
insults you or angers you in some way, insulting them back and continuing your anger only transfers their
problem to you. This person was probably
having a bad day (or a bad year) and took it out on you for some reason.
If you reciprocate, you are now having a
bad day too. His problem has become yours. Not only that, but the cycle of insults can get worse
and worse until it results in violence or other
negative consequences — for
both of you.
Solution: Let the insults or
negative comments of others slide off you like Teflon. Don’t let
their problem become yours. In fact, try to understand their problem more —
why would someone say something like that? What problems are they going
through? Having a little empathy for someone not only makes you
understand that their comment is not
about you, but it can make you feel
and act in a positive manner towards them — and
make you feel better about yourself in the process.
10. I don’t think I can do this — I don’t have
enough discipline. Maybe some other
time.
Problem: If you don’t think you
can do something, you probably won’t. Especially for the big stuff. Discipline has nothing to do with it
— motivation and focus has everything to
do with it. And if you put stuff off for “some other time”, you’ll never
get it done. Negative thinking like this inhibits us from accomplishing
anything.
Solution: Turn your thinking
around: you can do this! You don’t need discipline. Find ways to make yourself a success at your goal.
If you fail, learn from your mistakes, and
try again. Instead of putting a goal off for later, start now. And focus
on one goal at a time, putting all of your
energy into it, and getting as much help from others as you can. You can really move mountains if you start with positive
thinking.
